Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Rise of Amie Diane

As the photoshoot went in to its third hour, you could tell she was getting frustrated. Over and over I heard things like, "My body is not to be seen! It's in my contract and you better be listening to me instead of just nodding along while thinking to yourself 'Prima donna, I'll do what I'm gonna do.'" This isn't the first time Ms. Amie Diane felt pressure to get the job done the way it was suppossed to. You see, for all her pomp and flair and commanding tone she is not the one really running the show. Moving the strings above the growing popularity of the beautiful Amie was her devoted publicist, loving friend, and dictatorial manager --Raquel. Raquel discovered Amie many years ago when she was a poor, desperate girl willing to do anything to make it in this business. Once Raquel got ahold of that striking face and commanding presence, Amie Diane blew up into the industry's juggernaut that she is today. Raquel gave her a home, a career, and most of all a presence in her life that, while controlling and overbearing (it's rumored that Raquel has to literally hold Amie down in order to get her nails done right), actually looks out for what is best for Amie. Before Raquel, Amie had a slew of managers, agents, "friends," lovers with the "best intentions," and people without titles that thought they knew what was best for the young star, but every time, without fail, Amie was left with less money, no confidence, and a weaker spirit. They used her in order to elevate themselves leaving behind the scraps for Amie to try and make a living off of. Raquel found her right after being let down again by her sometimes boyfriend Djorgey "Boy" Edward who had promised her he could get her a spot on the Ellen DeGeneres show, but later telling her he lost the phone number he had of Ellen's and now can't get ahold of anyone in her office. It was in this broken, dejected spirit that Raquel saw promise and power. Amie Diane, within a year of meeting Raquel, became the fastest rising star ever to grace the page, and it seems there is no end to her greatness. Just last week, Ms. Diane was seen canoodling with a local hispanic stock mogul, Da Bump, so named for his uncanny ability to predit bumps in the stock market, and they are rumored to be putting together a new charity that will focus its efforts on reversing the spay and neuter your pets campaign of the early and mid-nineties. A source close to the pair says "They believe that everyone should have the right to bring a life into the world." On a recent Oprah visit, Amie was asked how she felt about the fact that Raquel forced her to go through the operation when she first started managing her, "I have never once questioned Raquel's good intentions for me, and I won't start now." Amie Diane, firmly established in her current field, is beginning to branch out. Aside from her project with Da Bump, Amie is currently in talks with Touchstone pictures about a project loosely based on her life, a la Eminem's "8 Mile." She has also been spotted talking with fashion mogul Heidi Klum, and she is rumored to be appearing as a guest judge on the next season of Project Runway.

After the photoshoot came to an end, I went over to introduce myself to Ms. Diane and tell her about the article I was writing. As I approached her, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to see the stern, unforgiving face of Raquel shaking her head as if to say, "You don't think you get to talk to her, do you?" I agreed. I wasn't worthy.