Cody and the Leapazor: part 1

There are places in this world that some people will never know about. There are creatures, forests, and even oceans that some people -people who would never want to see such fantastic things for fear that their world might change -will never get a chance to see. There are foods that some mouths will never taste: greenberries, glorbenglops, and gleepfruit. There are smells that some noses will never smell: apple bush blossoms, rose tree seeds, and pine flowers. There are sounds of lion birds, tiger crickets, and bear frogs that some ears will never hear.

There are, however, some people, usually children, whose minds and hearts are so desperate for change and fantastic creatures, that they will find these wonderful places, and experience all of these strange and beautiful things. I can tell you a story of one young boy who wanted things to change so badly, that eventually everything around him flipped upside down and topsy turvy curvy and his life was never the same again.

Cody grew up in a pretty normal house. He had a bedroom that he shared with his baby brother, Cory. His parents were nice -the nicest people he had ever met. His mom stayed home while his dad went to work at an office. His dad always wore a tie to work, and sometimes Cody would go in and watch his dad tie the tie in the mirror, and then Cody would go back and try to tie one on himself. He never could get it right though. They always ended up like shoelaces. When Cody first started going to school, he missed staying home with his mom, but he soon made some friends, and going to school became really fun. Still, no matter how many friends he made, he was always happiest after school. He would walk out of the classroom and run to the road where his mom and baby brother were waiting in the car. His mom would see him coming and go open the door for him. She would give him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and say, "How was your day, Cody? I missed you so much." Then they would get in the car and Cody would tell his mom all about his day. Then when Cody was done talking, he would ask his mom about her day. She would tell him all sorts of fantastic things like, "Well, Cody, today Mommy had to save a hospital from a giant tornado. Me and your brother put on our special tornado proof capes and flew over to save the hospital." Or “Cody, you wouldn’t believe it! A giant, four-eyed carpet monster came out of the floor and tried to eat our TV. We wouldn’t let that happen, now would we Cory, baby? No! So we got out the vacuum and sucked that monster up and away from the TV. It’s still in the vacuum bag now. You can see it when we get home.” She would tell these wonderful stories all the way home until they pulled into the garage, and Cody would hop out and run inside. Once he got inside, he would always find delicious cookies in the shape of elephants or unicorns and sometimes animals that he was sure never existed. His mom would make up funny names for them, but he knew they weren't real. After cookie time, he would either play games with his brother, watch some cartoons, or help his mom make dinner for dad. His mom would try and give him important jobs like mash the potatoes, mix the salad, or stir the sauce. Sometimes she would give him some grapes in a big plastic bowl and tell him to squish them with his feet so they could have grape juice. Then, sure enough come dinner time, there would be a glass of chunky grape juice waiting at his spot. After dinner, Cody, his dad, his mom, his brother, and his dog King would go on a walk around the neighborhood, while his dad would tell about his day, and Cody would tell dad about the cookies, the carpet monsters, and the grape juice. Once they got home, dad would talk to mom, Cody and Cory would watch TV, and King would lick their feet. Bed time was both sad and happy. It was sad because the day was ending, but happy because new day was coming. Cody would fall asleep hoping to dream about how fun the next day would be, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day. Cody was happy.

To be continued...

David Sucks

Last night as I was cleaning up the night event I orchestrated, I found myself in an empty activity center. There is something mystical about an empty building that's normally full; It seems more serene. Most of my memories of that building involve loud noises, rowdy games, or seeing my wife in the store. Being in that vast, empty hall last night even for just a moment, gave me a quick, euphoric sense of peace. I could have laid down and fallen alseep or into some deep sleep-like trance where my mind took me back to all of those moments where I was in that exact same spot, doing something totally different. It was a wonderful feeling. It seems like most buildings at Sky Ranch have a similar effect on me when they are empty.

Also, I hate democracy.

Who Does TV Think He/She/It Is?

I am so sick of TV. AHHHHHH!!! I want TV to be erased from existence.

Sometimes when I think about all of the time machine stories I've read, seen, or written myself, I think that maybe it isn't impossible. Maybe if someone gets uncharacteristically lucky, hits the right buttons, and opens the right door, a hole will open, and someone will walk into it. Maybe, just maybe, it's already happened. It's logical to think that if someone dared to travel back into time, assuming that it is possible, they could easily have altered existence, and no one would know. Ever.

It would be really nice, however, if that alleged time traveller was able to have taken TV out of our existence. Soooooooo nice. Besides creating jobs and assisting the economy, what in the world has TV ever done to enrich the lives of humanity? Anything?

Was there ever a time when the enrichment of humanity was humanity's main focus? It seems that we are occasionally able to interpret history in a way that makes it seem we were all truly interested in making things better, but I doubt they ever existed.

TV only serves the lives of the people on the TV, and even then, it's not for sure. Sometimes TV is so horrible that it not only makes worse the lives of the people watching, but also the lives of the people getting paid millions to "entertain." Reality shows are perfect examples of this. I especially can't understand why anyone would allow a camera crew into your personal home to film your first year of marriage. Oh wait, yes I do:

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

TV is a horribly addictive drug that millions of people have formed an addiction to. Try not watching TV for a whole day. It might be okay. You might not go into cold sweats yet. Try not watching TV for a week. I bet you'll miss it. I bet you'll be really curious about what's going on in all of these fake people's lives. I bet you'll find yourself with so much time to do things that make your life better. I bet you'll spend more time with God. I bet you'll read more and enrich your mind. But even with all of the positives, I bet you'll still miss TV. How about a month? Two months? Six months? Don't think you can do it?

You're probably right. Forget it. Let's go watch TV. Girlmore Girls anyone?

Luck of the Unposted Sale

Okay, here is the situation:

Nick and David are slowly perusing the TV on DVD section of Best Buy. We are searching for one particular season of one particular show: Gilmore Girls season two. That's right. Leave me alone. It's an awesome show. Nevertheless, we found it, and to our great distress, it cost a ridiculous $48.99. Why? Probably because of the writer's strike settlement or something. Who knows? Freakin Amy Sherman Palladino. I bet she was picketing with all the rest of those unstoppable dynamo writers. i wanna be one...

anyways


So we debate back and forth on why I should give in to this insidious and horrifying example of burgeoning capitalism and attentuate my bank account just so that I can see Rory start dating Jess, Lorelai break up with Max, and Lane become a decent drummer. Eventually we decided that it was time to buck up and get it over with. We picked it up and walked over to the checkout line. As the woman with dark skin, green eyes, and braided locks, scanned my purchase, I realized that the number on the screen was not $50, nor was it $48, nor was it even $30. My friends, the price of the lovely, quick-witted saga of Rory and Lorelai's inability to keep a man around turned out to be a mere $21.64. How? I didn't ask. I got out of there as fast as I could and sprint-walked to the car for fear that someone was following me to correct their mistake.

Free hamburgers at the fair, catching the second movie after only paying for one, mugging the occasional business man by the ATM, and now this.

Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket...

The Best Poem Ever Written

Canceled Subscription

Glossy eyes stared up at me from the pages of a magazine

they followed me around the room

watching as I took the glass from the cupboard

I felt them roll behind me as I poured the wine

turned on the gas

and touched the tip of a match

to the stack of term papers I hadn't graded yet

their fate fulfilled by fire

their substance thickened by flame

I will never know the significance of vernacular in

To Kill a Mockingbird

as seen through the mind of the

uninspired

bored

hormonal

teen desperately trying to meet the 1000 word limit

Or the nature of Huck Finn's relationship with

N-Word Jim

as seen through the mind of the

young

nubile

second row

third period

American lit student

whose eyes continued to stare up at me from

the glossy pages of a magazine.

Michael N Daniel

a.k.a. Nick and David