Monday, April 7, 2008

April Stock Purchases Bring May Dividends

If you or your loved ones have not begun investing in the wonderful world of stocks, bonds, hedge funds, mutual funds, etc, you are missing out on mutual fun. The world of stocks isn't all about earning, buying low, selling high, stock tickers (i have one and it's awesome), and that Mad Money show where the guy pushes buttons and tells everyone what to buy. No! It's so much more. If you haven't dabbled in stocks yet, then you are missing out on some of the great slang talk of our century.

Being an amatuer myself, I am still intrigued by the liberal use of animal symbolism in the financial world. If you are a Bull, you are an investor who thinks the market, a specific security, or an industry will rise. If you are a Bear, you are an investor who believes that a particular security or market is headed downward. So if I were to say, "In stocks today, the bulls are smiling down at the bears." I think that would mean that stocks are up. Starting to get it? Let's hear some more. If the market is neither moving up or moving down, it is a Deer Market: A flat market; a deer market is characterized by low activity, with timid investors waiting for a sign of which way the market is going to end up moving. So if I were to say, "The bulls and the bears feasted on the timid deers this morning as many stocks rose significantly while many others plummeted." Get it yet? Here is more. Bulls, bears, and deers aside, we can even see stocks being characterized by pretty little insects like Butterflies!!! That's right. A Butterfly Spread is an option strategy combining a bull and bear spread. It uses three strike prices. The lower two strike prices are used in the bull spread, and the higher strike price in the bear spread. Both puts and calls can be used. Sadly, this lingo is a bit above my current understanding, but one day I will dream of bulls, bears, deers, and butterflies frolicking in a field of my own money as I sit back in my lounge chair made of money, smoking a cigar filled with dried money. One day...

Other weird stock terms:
Iron Condor
Long Straddle
Angelina Jolie Stock Index
Aunt Millie
Alligator Spread
Bagel Land
Back of the Napkin Business Model
Big Uglies
Chameleon Option
Clean Your Skirts
and so on and so on and so on...


david said...

I think I'll stay with my current financial plan: stuffing money under my mattress and investing the rest in high-profile chihuahua bloodlines.

Mike said...

i think i'll invest in the meth market up here. low cost, high risk; what kind of animal does that make me?

a chubacabra?